Both / And
Boundaries and Connection
Artwork by Megan J. Wheless
For the month of June, I’ve chosen to focus on the topic of “Boundaries” when dealing with mindfulness and creativity.
When we are cultivating mindfulness, we must honor the fact that we are in a constant state of flux as humans. Who we were yesterday, is not who we are today. Who we will become tomorrow cannot be known until we have experienced who we are today.
This past Friday, I set a small boundary for myself: to disengage from social media for at least one week. I was aware that I was getting caught up in the emotional black hole that is Facebook and Instagram and having a really difficult time discerning where my feelings began and other people’s ended. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to hear other people’s voices on what is unfolding in our society or at individual levels, I just didn’t have the head space to witness it without feeling I needed to contribute some words of comfort or agreement or insight or solidarity. If I’m being honest, any post I thought of sharing or comments I thought of writing felt like I would be screaming into a void. My voice wouldn’t be authentic. It would just be adding to a lot of confusion on one end and hurt and anger on the other end.
So, I chose both to restrict my social media interactions and expand my time each day feeling my emotions and breathing into my body.
A lot of insight and growth I wasn’t expecting came from this one particular boundary:
I gained clarity and felt my ability to articulate my needs, beliefs, and emotions increase. I was able to share this with my friends and husband in a deep way that opened up multiple conversations between us that was both educational and healing.
I was able to both translate this personal boundary and use its framework when a neighbor accosted my husband and I as we walked in the neighborhood. I had enough days with my thoughts and feelings that I felt strong enough to verbally stand up to his racist views that we do not share with him. After he heard my words, he walked away from us because my boundary was firm.
I found resources to help further educate myself on racism’s effects on people of color. Having experts’s words and experiences that I can spend time reading and taking notes on is way more beneficial than the 5-10 minute scrolls I do across my phone’s screen. It also takes the burden off of my African-American friends and colleagues who feel like they’re screaming into a social media void as well.
I made time to donate money to organizations that I researched and believe in. More time away from social media gave me more time to dedicate myself to putting my money where my mouth is.
I finished editing and revising my novel and emailed the copy to my beta readers. Turns out I’m really productive when I’m not wasting time on social media.
I spent a lot of time outdoors in my garden enjoying my flowers and the insects that pollinate them.
I’ve logged back on to Facebook and Instagram today, but I still have chosen not to post anything except the link to this blog. What I’ve noticed about myself is that I am both grounded in my mind and body and am able to read people’s posts with an open-mind and have more compassion to honor and witness people’s pain, anger, and frustration. And to not change any of what I’m observing and feeling, but to sit with it and let it be with me. Both to tune out so as to tune back in again and find my own voice in all of it. Both to be mindful and ready to the idea that who I am today will be different than who I am tomorrow. Throughout it all, I can always choose to get back to being in alignment with both my authenticity and integrity. That’s my one true constant in the fluid state of being human.